You know what? I’m sort of ashamed of this blog. I have the chance to make it bigger, to expand. And I am hesitant, because, well it means people in my real world might find out about it. I don’t tell people in real life about this. I wouldn’t say that it is so much that I am ashamed of it. I certainly think it is okay that all of YOU have blogs. I read them, I follow them, I say… my friend from wherever when referring to you. Part of it is that it feels so raw and exposed to have my words available for people I see on a daily basis to read. And part of it is that I never want to have to censor what I say.
I want to talk about the tiny stretch marks on my back barely visible to anyone but me, I want to talk about my vagina, I want to ask you all whether the tiny marks on my legs are varicose veins or spider veins, I want to complain about work, I want to tell you that sometimes my brain spins around so fast I need medication, I want to tell you that I never dreamed I would love my daughter this much, or my husband, and I want to say that for a brief period after my daughter was born I thought WTF WTF WTF WHAT AM I DOINGTHIS THING HAS TO GO WITH ME WHEREVER I GO AND I WANT TO GO GET A FROSTY AND I CANT CAUSE OF THIS THING I WANT MY FROSTY DAMMIT, and I don’t ever want to be judged.
Only two real life people know about this blog. For some reason I trust those more than the rest. Maybe it is because I have known one of them longer than anyone else, and the other I have never heard judge anyone else. Sometimes I will toss up the fact that I write in general conversation. Say to someone I half trust, who I connect with on some level, and who I doubt will follow through. I don’t think the latter really counts.
So, here it is. Do you censor what you say? If I vow not to change, is it selling out to move this blog for monetary reasons? Is it selling out to blog for monetary reasons? Why do you blog?
P.S. Should I take the leap?
Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!!! You totally have the ability to take this bloggy thing farther. BUT it does take a lot of work. A lot of networking, that is. So just be aware of that. And yes, I have to censor myself. I didn’t want to have anything in my life that I felt I had to hide from people – especially my in-laws. And when I do try to do things like that, it always turns out bad for me! Consequently I have been daydreaming of starting a blog that no one knows about, not even hubby, where there is no picture of me, coming from Nowhere’sville, Nowhere-lina. No marketing, no trying, no nothing but a whole stream of curse words describing everything from sex to baby’s poop. Except I’d get to say shit. Because I feel like, with all those more ladylike mommies out there, I can’t use shit when I feel like it!
Whoo! That feels so much better! Glad I got that out! OK, later!
pllllleeease be the courageous one that 95% of us cant be. Do you know how many hours a week I search for blogs/websites trying to find out “how much sex is normal”??! Orrrr, try to find other under-30’s that have as many varicose/spider veins on their thighs (and FREAKING ankles) as I do?! (at least yours are tiny! ha)
My whole online life in a big censor….my blog is only a 1/2 truth (if that), only about the fun, great, interesting things in my life; nothing about how about the fact that I still (25 years into my life) & cannot say “Im good at something”, or the fact that I have nightmares about my husband being blown to smithereens in Iraq. (Can you imagine what my in-laws would say if I put that on my blog?!)
Annnnd if people are enjoying your blog and are using it as a resource, you deserve to be rewarded. Why would that be selling out?
Yay! I just had a 100% truthful mini-blog! Take the leap like you did by going to Guatemala!
I’ve made no secret of my blog, and because of that, I definitely have to censor it. I can hardly talk about sex to my dad or grandma!
But it has worked out for me. I blog because I want a record of my life. I have old journals, but sometimes they are just too painfully truthful to read. I want a record of just the ‘fun, great, interesting things in my life’ as Amy put it.
So whether to take the plunge depends on what you want out your blog. Monetary reimbursement is definitely a good thing! You could always have two blogs…